Max Able USMLE Match Journey 2019 -- Am I LOser?

(short story by Anonymous)

Congratulations!! You have matched. These are the 4 sweetest words that all of us long to hear.

I am not going to share any of my credentials here nor I am going to reveal my identity. But I would like to share my story.
I am not as intelligent as most of you medical wizards here. I was barely getting through medical school when me and someone I loved dearly decided to pursue USMLE together. We had been together for 5 years, almost inseparable. However, somewhere along this journey we lost each other and didn’t end things on a good note.

She had broken up with me. My life was devastated. Seeing me like that, my mother called her on August 30th, 2017 when she told my mom, “I don’t want to be with your son because he is a loser”. I was listening on the other line and I just experienced the worst pain in my chest.

I tried my very best to move on every day, but it was hard to concentrate. I would start crying in between my Uworld blocks just thinking about what she said. I would spend hours justifying her response. I would dream of the times I spent with her or had the weirdest nightmares possible. I postponed my CK exam from September 30th to January 15th, 2018. Days kept going by and despite my efforts to forget my past, I just couldn’t get rid of it.

Time was moving fast. On December 12th, 2017, I decided to push the date further and booked March 9th,2018. I told my mom and dad, I had pushed the date further. They didn’t say anything, but I could see in my mom’s eyes; she was beginning to lose hope in me.

I worked and worked but my score just wasn’t improving. Then came January 15th, 2018, the day I planned to give the exam. I was pissed off at myself, my life and just about everything. I never planned to go through this journey and definitely not like this. I changed the date to the earliest one I could find in the closest Prometric center. I got February 4th, 2018.
I also booked my CS exam for Mach 15th, 2018 through a scheduler and booked my tickets to Houston on February 5th, 2018.

Studying and revising as much as I could, I gave the exam. I came home packed my bags and left for Houston.
After arriving in Houston, I stayed at Park Inn hotel where I found such good friends for CS preparation. We studied and worked hard and talked about how hard it is going to be to finish this journey.

I was beginning to move on from the past and all of a sudden, I started getting nightmares all over again and most of them would end up with me listening on the phone “I don’t want to be with your son because he is a loser.” I started to sleep for lesser hours. I went from 7 hours to 4 and a half to 5 hours of sleep at night. To keep myself occupied, I started exploring the medical district to look for clinical experience. By this time, I had also found out my step2ck score. It was below average. I didn’t care. I just knew that I had to keep going.

Luckily, I found an externship at a community hospital under a doctor who decided to take me under his wing. I would leave park inn in the morning and come back in the late afternoon and would start studying. It was hard initially. Soon it became a routine that helped me and kept me going. I gave my exam on the 15th of March,2018. I knew I would pass this exam and I did.

For a week after giving the exam I kept looking for more experience opportunities and I got lucky again. I moved near the medical district in Houston in temporary accommodation.
I kept gaining clinical experience and research experience until 27th July 2018. I had gotten enough letter of recommendations along with my name in two publications. Then I came back home. I started working on my application which I submitted on time.

I started calling and emailing the programs in late September. I got tons of rejections by phone and emails. At the same time, I got rejection emails every day on ERAS inbox. My invites section was empty. I was losing hope and some nights I would just cry thinking maybe I am a loser.

I couldn’t sleep because of my nightmares and while I was awake at night I would just worry about my future.
I decided to start studying for step 3 and calling programs every week and emailing every 2 weeks.

I was getting rejected every day. My confidence was getting shattered and my parents were losing their hope in me which was increasing every day.
December 3rd,2018 was when I got my first invite. I scheduled it for January 8th, 2019. I put my step 3 preparation on hold and started preparing for the interview. I found other applicants to prepare with. I would prepare from morning till evening every day. I would repeat the same answers every day and kept finding questions to practice along with medical knowledge.

I left for America on January 4th, 2019. I gave my interview to my best ability. Even though I had prepared, I was thrown off guard by some of the questions by the faculty. And just like that, the day went by and my interview season had ended. I was constantly calling programs, but I didn’t receive any more interviews.

I came back home on 15th February 2019 and ranked my only program on the NRMP. I started studying for Step 3 again and for my home country residency exam. I had already accepted that my chances are less than slim to none. By this time my parents had told me that maybe medicine is not for me and I should try to figure out other options. I didn’t reply but just kept studying. Days had gone by. I would lie in bed at night awake just thinking about my future and studying at night to divert my mind.

Every Facebook post and every WhatsApp group were filled with fear and anxiety. I was afraid as well. I didn’t want to fail but had accepted defeat. My nightmares were getting worse as the match day was approaching.

Time kept moving and the day that I feared finally came. March 11, 2019, had arrived. I was now waiting for the email. I didn’t receive the e-mail and I started to panic because I didn’t want to lose any time for SOAP in case. Suddenly I got a new mail with a subject – “Did I Match?”. I opened the mail, that said “Congratulations! You have matched”.

I stared at the email without any reaction which was followed by tears. I cried because the most unexpected had happened and my tears were of relief and joy.